btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
