saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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