Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
