I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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