no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
