Kiss
Puke
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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