Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
