so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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