Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
