it hurts more in the daytime
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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