Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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