I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
is it fun? or sober?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
