this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
