i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
