Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
