He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
