he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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