My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
