I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
