It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
