it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
