It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love you. Go after that dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize