Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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