I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
