my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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