Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
