I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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