I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
