That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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