playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
