My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
