Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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