I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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