This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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