my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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