i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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