i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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