Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
