In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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