Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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