Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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