Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
