he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
