and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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