I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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