yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He? As in you personified your dick?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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