believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
