I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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