Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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