kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
