found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
