He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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