I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
