I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
