i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
