I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize