Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
