So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
