that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
