She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
