dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
