dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize