i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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